Resurrection

"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." Proverbs 24:3

Lent, though a time for lament and repentance, holds such beauty in the life of a believer. In this time of seeking out areas of our heart that need cleansing and renewal, the Lord meets us in such sweet ways. He has shown me the rooms of my heart with news eyes. He has opened my mind to understand places in my heart that were unclear before this season. He faithfully walked with me into the shrine that I had set up to man's praise and showed me the alter I had constructed on which I sacrificed anything to get people to like me. He opened up dusty boxes of fear, lies, and emotions and cradled each of these in his tender hands. For me, Lent was a time of walking into the darkness with the Light of the world.  

And then Easter came.

Not coincidentally, I was with some of the people who most help me to experience abundant life on Easter Sunday. I traveled to Greenville, Illinois with the precious Abby Brown to visit some dear people from college whom I had not seen in over a year. While I was there, each person I encountered (even people I met for the first time) welcomed me into their lives and showed me love so uniquely. This time with these people made me come alive. Praise God for His tangible gifts that reflect the inner movement of the heart! Truly, this Easter, I experienced the Resurrection in a new way. When God cleans out the junk in your heart, leaving seeming emptiness, He also increases your capacity to receive life and love.

Upon returning from Illinois, a certain house in the Park Ridge Community in Knoxville caught my attention. On a street lined with Victorian style homes restored to their former beauty, this house hides shyly behind a giant tree, veiling itself from the critical eyes of those passing by. The home needs paint, and seems tired from years of wear. But there are curtains in the window and furniture on the side porch and a ladder stretching along the side of the house--signs of life.

This house whispers hope and restoration  through the sun-speckled leaves. Despite its past, and its state of disrepair, its owners saw beauty and began the process of renovation. This process will take a long time, maybe even years, but life is being lived inside of this house. Light shines in its doors and windows, and the dirt and grime of the past is being scrubbed away.

It's no wonder this house caught my attention, for my heart and soul are experiencing a similar renovation in this Easter season. I praise God that in His wisdom He restores me because He "made His light shine in [my] heart to give [me] the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." 2 Corinthians 4:6

Boxes and Rooms

Boxes and Rooms

Revelation 3:20

If any man opens...

I have a can opener that is so dull it is basically useless. The slender metal handles open like scissors and two round disks clamp the rim of the can. The top disk is smooth and sharp--meant to puncture the can--while the bottom disk has grooves like a gear to create traction as you twist a rectangular crank, similar to a wind up toy. Such a practical design, but it has one flaw, the can opener is at least fifteen years old. Fifteen years of slicing through tin renders it essentially useless. Each time I open a can of beans or corn or some kind of veggie, let's just say, the struggle is real.

A can seems impossibly impenetrable without something to pierce the metal that protects and preserves its contents. So it is with my heart.

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock.

I was sitting in church three Sundays before Christmas with my forehead resting on my knees in confession. This week, acute awareness of how vulnerable I felt overwhelmed me. Part of this was exhaustion from ending my first semester as a teacher, another part was that my grandmother had passed away the day before, and another part of it was that the LORD chose to intervene in my life.

He gently whispered that he stood at the door of my heart knocking and waiting to come in. 

It was in that moment that I realized He had been knocking for a long time, but in my pride I wanted to tidy up a bit before I let Him in. But now, I could not hold out any longer. Too many things crowded in corners and hid in boxes. Cobwebs and dust accumulated. The darkness of those rooms I lived in kept smirking at my attempts to shine a flashlight and chase it away. In my vulnerability, I finally saw all of this clearly. So I opened the door.

Opening that door felt like opening a can with my worn and weary can opener. Choosing openness and exposure requires strength and perseverance, and over the next few weeks, the LORD gently reminded me that I was slamming the door again and again. He would then wait patiently while I opened it back up and let Him in. 

If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with Me.

Slowly but surely, God would ask to come into the various rooms of my heart where I had boxes of emotion, pain, fear, and desire locked away in darkness. He gently asked me for each box and opened it with me. The things that I saw reminded me why I had shut these things up and cut them off. But I have such a good Father who loves me so much that right there on the floor in the dirt with ugliness strewn all over the floor, he set a table for us and we ate. I tasted the sweetness of His presence and savored the flavor of His peace. What rest I found in dining with my King.

And of course, I tried to clean up, as always. I wanted to organize and purge and dust and mop. 

But yesterday, the Lord reminded me of this: 

Hannah, the only way you are going to find yourself is through Me. I am the Source of life. Stop looking at the boxes and rooms and look at Me. I have come to dwell with you--yes, to live with you always. Do not worry about the things that you have hidden and that I am bringing to light. Surrender them to Me. Allow Me to do work. All I am asking of you is that you seek Me more and more. Allow Me to do the renovating and renewing. I covet your mess that I may transform you.

I realized that I had been living in a dark hallway and looking at the Lord through a tiny peep hole in the door. But now that I have let Him in, I can know Him in a fuller way, and that is the goal, not me getting my act together.

Prayers appreciated :)

He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice foods. Job 36:16