It was late August and the sun baked the high school track as I stood keeping time for runners looping the football field.
"Hey, Ms. Martin."
I turned around surprised to see one of my students shyly walking up to me. He stands and talks for a few minutes about nothing, running, football, school. He leaves for practice, and I go home.
A few days later, the same thing happens again.
Not long after this in class, we were talking, and he randomly says, "You love me." I was taken aback, we had barely spoken in class or even up at the track. And yet he knew the truth.
Why yes, I do love you.
***
"Ok, it's your turn. You can share your high and low points from the week," I say to her as I scratch her back one Wednesday night in small group. The Christmas tree glows with a rainbow of colors freckling the wall. Her face is barely lit.
"My high is that I got to come here tonight and see my friends. My low is that I really hate my stepdad."
Then a flood of words gushed out. She had been holding it in for so long. She talked for ten minutes,and during that time something miraculous happened. The other girls in the small group started standing around her. They began encouraging her and telling her that she wasn't alone. They prayed for her.
***
"How is your day today?"
"Not good," he mumbles.
"Why?"
"That teacher..." he began and proceeded to spell out why she wasn't fair and how he felt mistreated by her.
"You know what?" I replied. "I know you are a good student. I know the kind of student you are. In this class you get a fresh start, and it is always a good day in here. So come on in and let's get started."
His face immediately transformed. His smile captivated me--so much to love.
***
There are so many others that have grabbed a hold of my heart and their fists won't let me go. The girl who is rejected because she is a lesbian, the girl with a crush, the boy who feels trapped with no where to go, the boy whose mom just got out of prison, the girl who just wants to be seen and heard, the boys who play basketball, the boy who is afraid to answer a question for fear of being wrong, the boy whose heart was broken by a girl but he can't help but still love her, the girl who is pregnant, the girl who doesn't believe in herself--all of these are the ones with whom I spend my days. And my heart feels like it has never known such love. How can it hold love for all of these? And yet it does. It swells and grows each day.
I confess...I've never fallen in love. Not the kind of love anyway, where a girl meets a boy and goes crazy over him.
So, who am I to say that I have fallen in love with not just one person, but 45 people?
I am a little girl, 24 years old with mousy brown hair and mossy green eyes. And I, well, I am a teacher.
And I have fallen hard, fallen head over heels in love with 45 fourteen year old. I feel the Lord pressing the boundaries of my heart up against my rib cage as He pumps Isaiah 53:1-3 through my veins:
“Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,”says the Lord. “Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back;lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities."
This year, the Lord has enlarged my tent and strengthened my stakes. My heart has been enlarged to hold more beautiful people than I ever thought it could. He has been the strength of my heart and my portion in difficult times. Each little moment has served to expand my heart and soul a little more so that I can fall in love with these people a little more each day.
